Back in the 1980s, Fernando Lamas (aka Billy Crystal) used the catch phrase “You look maahhvelous.” It was a great Saturday Night Live sketch. Today, I realize that I am still trying to make myself look marvelous. Back in October I wrote about my attempts to make myself look good.
Why is it that I still want to keep up appearances? What is so inherently ingrained in my psyche that I want people to like me and don’t want to show my flaws? Why can’t I accept the fact that there will be people who still accept me, despite my inadequacies?
I struggle with lots of things. I’ve typed the list here and reedited it and ultimately deleted it because… I fear showing people what I’m ashamed of in my life. The shortcomings, the addictions, the flaws… some are major, some are minor; some I’m working on, some I try to ignore myself.
Ultimately, I am scared of what people will think of me. I’m worried about disappointing my family and friends. I’m apprehensive that people won’t like me if I’m really vulnerable.
So, I continue to put fresh paint on the broken down parts of my life hoping that they continue to look good. And I think I’m doing a pretty good job at looking marvelous.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
You Look Marvelous
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1 comment:
Dave,
I couldn't help but make a comment on this. You must share with someone what you think your flaws are. If you don't they will be your flaws forever.
You don't know me well enough to do that, but someday, I would love for you to think of me as your big brother, and unload with confidence that what ever you share will not be gossip.
I have one friend like that. He lives in Albany. I mean I can let out my darkest things from the dark side, and he still is my friend, and he never tells anyone else. I have "Cried," on his shoulder so many times I think the tears my have worn down his bones like rocks in a river.
Open up your heart to someone you trust. God is a good start, but you also need to find a good earthly buddy to share with.
Doug
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